Database: Poor Richard's Almanack - 1736 (Vol.2)

'''V Mon. July hath xxxi days.'''

Who can charge Ebrio with a Thirst of Wealth? See, he consumes his Money, Time, and Health In drunken Frolicks, which will all confound, Neglects his Farm, forgets to till his Ground; His Stock grows less that might be kept with ease; In nought but Guts and Debts he finds Encrease; In Town reels as if he'd shove down, Yet Walls must stand, poor Soul, or he must fall.

None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing. The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse. Gifts burst rocks. If wind blows on you thro' a hole, Make your will and take care of your soul The rotten Apple spoils his Companion.

'''VI Mon. August hath xxxi days.'''

The Tongue was once a Servant of the Heart, And what it gave she freely did impart; But, now Hypocrisy is grown 50 Strong, The Heart's become a Servant to the Tongue. Virtue we praise, but practice not her good, (Athenian-like) we act not what we know, As many Men do talk of Robin Hood, Who never did shoot Arrow in his Bow.

Don't throw stones at your neighbors’, if your own windows are glass. The excellency of hogs is fatness, of men virtue. Good wives and good plantations are made by good husbands. He that sells upon trust, loses many friends, and always wants money. Pox take you, is no curse to some people.

'''VII Mon. September hath xxx days.'''

Briskcap, thou'st little judgement in Thy head More than to dress thee, drink and go to Bed; Yet thou shaft have the Wall and the Way lead, Since Logick wills that simple Things precede. Walking and meeting one not long ago, I ask'd who 'twas, he said, he did not know, I said, I know thee; so said he, I you; But he that knows himself I never knew.

Lovers, Travellers, and Poets, will give money to be heard. He that speaks much, is much mistaken. Creditors have better memories than debtors. Forewarn'd forearm'd unless in the case of Cuckolds Who are often forearm’d before warn'd.

'''VIII Mon. October hath xxxi days.'''

Whymsical Will once fancy’d he was ill, The Doctor call'd, who thus examin'd Will; How is your Appetite? O, as to that I eat right heartily, you see I’m fat, How is your Sleep anights? 'Tis Sound and good; I eat, drink, sleep, as well as e’er I cou’d. Well, says the Doctor, clapping on his Hat, I'll give you something shall remove all that.

Three things are men most likely to be cheated in, a Horse, a Wig, and a Wife. He that lives well is learned enough. Poverty, poetry, and new Titles of Honour, make Men ridiculous. He that scatters Thorns, let him not go barefoot There's none deceived but he that trusts.

'''IX Mon. November hath xxx days.'''

When you are sick, what you like best is to be chosen for a Medicine in the first Place; what Experience tells you is best, to be chosen in the second Place ; what Reason (i.e. Theory,) says is best, is to be chosen in the last Place. But if you can get Dr. Inclination, Dr. Experience, and Dr. Reason to hold a Consultation together, they will give you the best advice that can be given.

God heals and the Doctor takes the Fees. If you desire many things, many things will seem but a few. Mary’s mouth costs her nothing, for she never o pens it but at others expence. Receive before you write, but write before you pay. I saw few die of hunger, of eating — 100,000.

'''X Mon. December hath xxxi days.'''

Sol nearer the Earth in Winter than in Summer, 15046 miles, (his Lownes and short Appearance making Winter cold) Luna nearer in her Pengeon than Apogeon, 59512: Saturn nearer 49868 miles: Jupiter nearer 38613 miles: Mars nearer 80608 miles : Venus nearer 6209 miles : Mercury nearer 181427 miles. And yet Mercury is never distant from the Sol a whole Sign, nor Venus above two. You’ll never find a Sextile Sol Mercury, nor a Quartile Sol Venus.

Maids of America, who gave you bad teeth? Answ. Hot soupings and frozen Apples. Marry your Daughter and eat fresh Fish betimes. If God blesses a Man, his Bitch brings forth Pigs. He that would live in peace and at ease, Must not speak all he knews, nor judge all he sees. Adieu.

In my last year’s Almanack, I mentioned that the visible Eclipses of this year 1736, portended some great and surprising events relating to these Northern colonies, of which I proposed this year to speak at large. But as those Events are not to happen immediately this Year, I chuse rather, upon second Thought, to defer farther Mention of them, till the Publication of my Almanack for that Year in which they are to happen. However, that the Reader may not be entirely disappointed, here follow for his present Amusement, a few

ENIGMATICAL PROPHECIES

Which they that do not understand cannot well explain.

1. Before the middle of this Year, a Wind at N. East will arise, during which the Water of the Sea and Rivers will be in such a manner raised, that great part of the Towns of Boston, Newport, New-York Philadelphia, the low Lands of Maryland and Virginia, and the Town of Charleston in South Carolina will be under water. Happy will it be for the sugar and salt, standing in the Cellars of those Places, if there be tight Roofs and Cielings overhead ; otherwise without being a Conjurer, a man may easily foretel that such Commodities will receive Damage.

2. About the middle of the Year, great Numbers of Vessels fully laden, will be taken out of the Ports aforesaid, by a Power with which we are not now at War, and whose Forces shall not be descried or seen, either coming or going. But in the End this may not be disadvantageous to those Places.

3. However, not long after, a visible Army of 20,000 Musketers will land, some in Virginia & Maryland, and some in the lower Counties on both sides of Delaware, who will over-run the Country, and sorely annoy the Inhabitants: But the Air in this Climate will agree with them so ill towards Winter, that they will die in the beginning of cold Weather like rotten Sheep, and by Christmas the Inhabitants will get the better of them.

Note — In my next Almanack these Enigmatical Prophecies will be explained. R.S.