Database: Poor Richard's Almanack - 1737 (Vol.2)

'''V Mon. July hath xxxi days.'''

Impudent Jack, who now lives by his Shifts,

Borrowing of Driblets, boldly begging Gifts,

For Twenty Shillings lent him t'other Day,

(By one who ne'er expected he would pay,)

On his Friend's Paper fain a Note wou'd write;

His Friend, as needless, did refuse it quite;

Paper was scarce, and 'twas too hard, it's true,

To part with Cash, and lose his Paper too.

Certainlie these things agree, The Priest, The Lawyer, & Death, all three

Death takes both the weak and the strong,

The Lawyer takes from both right and wrong,

And the priest from the living and dead has his fee.

The Worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.

'''VI Mon. August hath xxxi days.'''

On his Death-bed poor Lubin lies;

His Spouse is in Despair;

With frequent Sobs, and mutual Cries

They both express their Care.

A diff'rent Cause, says Parson Sly,

The same Effect may give,

Poor Lubin fears that he shall die;

His Wife—that he may live.

Don't misinform your Doctor nor your Lawyer.

I never saw an oft-transplanted tree,

Nor yet an oft-removed family,

That throve so well as those that settled be.

'''VII Mon. September hath xxx days.'''

To-morrow you'll reform, you always cry;

In what far Country does this Morrow lie,

That 'tis so mighty long ere it arrive?

Beyond the Indies does this Morrow live?

'Tis so far-fetched, this Morrow, that I fear

'Twill be both very old, and very dear.

Tomorrrow I'll reform, the Fool does say;

To-day it self 's too late;—the Wise did yesterday.

Let the Letter stay for the Post, and not the Post for the Letter.

Three good meals a day is bad living.

'Tis better leave for an enemy at one's death, than beg of a friend in one's life.

To whom thy secret thou dost tell

To him thy freedom thou dust sell.

'''VIII Mon. October hath xxxi days.'''

On T. T. who destroy'd his Landlord's fine Wood.

Indulgent Nature to each kind bestows,

A secret Instinct to discern its Foes:

The Goose, a silly Bird, avoids the Fox;

Lambs fly from Wolves; and Sailors steer from rocks;

A Rogue the Gallows, as his fate, foresees,

And bears the like Antipathy to Trees.

If you'd have a Servant that you like, serve yourself. He that pursues two Hares at once, does not catch one and lets t'other go. If you want a neat wife, chuse her on a Saturday. If you have time, dont wait for time.

'''IX Mon. November hath xxx days.'''

You say you'll spend Five hundred Pound,

The World and Men to know,

And take a Tour all Europe round,

Improving as you go.

Dear Sam, in search of others Sense,

Discover not your Own;

But wisely double the Expence,

That you may pass unknown. Tell a miser he's rich, and a woman she's old, you'll get no money of one, nor kindness of t'other. Don't go to the doctor with every distemper, nor to the lawyer with every quarrel, nor to the pot for every thirst

'''X Mon. December hath, xxxi days.'''

Women are Books, and Men the Readers be,

Who sometimes in those Books Erratas see;

Yet oft the Reader's raptur'd with each Line,

Fair Print and Paper, fraught with Sense divine;

Tho' some, neglectful, seldom care to read,

And faithful Wives no more than Bibles heed.

Are Women Books? says Hodge, then would mine were

An Almanack, to change her every year.

The Creditors are a superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times. The noblest question in the world is, What good may I do in it? Nec sibi, sed toto, genituni se credere mundo. Nothing so popular as GOODNESS. In my last I published some Enigmatical Prophecies, which I did not expect any one would take for serious Predjctjons The Explanation I promised follows,

Viz:

1.The Water of the Sea and Rivers is raised in Vapours by the Sun, is form'd into Clouds in the Air, and thence descends in Rain. Now when there is Rain overhead (which frequently happens when the Wind is at N.E.) the Cities and Places on the Earth below, are certainly under Water.

2.The Power with which we were not then at War, but which, it was said, would take many full laden Vessels out of our Ports before the End of the Year, is The WINO, whose Forces also are not descried either coming or going.

3. The Army which it was said would land in Virginia, Maryland, and the lower Counties on Delaware, were not Musketeers with Guns on their Shoulders as some expected; but their Namesakes in Pronunciation tho' truly spelt Moschitos arm'd only with a sharp Sting. Every one knows they are Fish before they fly, being bred in the Water; and therefore may properly be said to land before they become generally troublesome.

A WONDERFUL PROPHECY.

For January, 1737, which consists entirely of odd Figures.

E'er of this odd odd Year one Month has roll'd,

What Wonders, Reader, shall the World behold!

Four Kings with mighty Force shall Albion's Isle

Infest with Wars and Tumults for a-while;

Then some shall unexpected Treasures gain,

While Some mourn o'er an empty Purse in vain:

And many a Christian's Heart shall ake for Fear,

When they the dreadful Sound of Trump shall hear.

Dead Bones shall then be tumbled up and down,

In every City and in every town.